I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
