You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
