i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
