We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
