You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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