so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
