Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
