So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
