Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
