I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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