U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
