Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
