I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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