Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
