Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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