if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
