i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
