just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
