You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
