So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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