covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
