Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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