So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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