Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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