If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
