Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
