Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
