direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
