i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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