you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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