My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
