i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
