I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
