I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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