She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
