anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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