apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
