Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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