remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
