It's Friday. Sex?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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