Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
