I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
