I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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