u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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