She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
