i permit you to call me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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