We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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