You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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