either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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