Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.

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(810): View more from Michigan

was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.

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(906): View more from Michigan

When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.

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(708): View more from Illinois

For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?

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(317): View more from Indiana

I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".

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