i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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