she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
